| Name: | The Mighty Temple of the Felt Eagle |
| Goal: | resurrect Elvis |
| Methods: |
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| Income source: | cable tv shows |
| Headquarters: | mall recruiting office in Witchita |
| Commander: | The Most Holy Leader |
| Minion: | "goof" |
| Axiom: | "If life gives you lemons, make shit." |
| Beliefs: |
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