Your occult organization:

Name: The Tribe of the White Minotaur
Goal: control the Repulican Party
Methods:
  • crystal balls
  • therapy
  • reality TV shows
Income source: oldschool grifting
Headquarters: unknown location in Benelux
Commander: The Prime Eleutherarch
Minion: "stormtrooper"
Axiom: "There is no point."
Beliefs:
  • the I Ching answers all questions accurately
  • elephants can listen in on cell phone calls
  • birth defects are caused by contact with the works of Mark Twain

Note: Some results are not for kids. Some links NSFW.

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