| Name: | The Altruistic Band of the Pine Mermaid |
| Goal: | destroy the Catholic Church |
| Methods: |
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| Income source: | kidnapped web designers |
| Headquarters: | secret office inside Microsoft headquarters |
| Commander: | The Crown Heresiarch |
| Minion: | "inmate" |
| Axiom: | "Do the dance, wear the pants." |
| Beliefs: |
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